So, its common knowledge that there are some gaping plot holes in the “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” the first Indiana Jones movie.  One is, how did Indiana Jones know how to close his eyes when the Nazis opened the Ark?  Another is, how did he escape the island when all the Nazis died in the ensuing ghost melting party?  The most famous one is concerns how Indiana Jones got to that island in the first place.  We swim him swim to the submarine, climb on top of it, then the film wipes to the dock the Nazis land in, and Indiana Jones looks really wet.  How in hell did he manage this?  Wasn’t the submarine closed?  Wouldn’t someone notice if he climbed in?  Well, according to the original script, Indiana uses his whip to lash himself onto the periscope and sort of surfs along somehow.  Here is an image with a tiny Indiana Jones model mounted on top of the periscope of the submarine.

The sheer lunacy of this stunt was cut from the final movie, and most people never noticed how Indy made it to the secret Nazi island.  However, it was during the close examination of this scene last night, where I made a startling discovery.  When Indiana Jones swims to the submarine, he no longer has his trade marked fedora.  I made sure to rewind and fast forward a bunch of times, but sure enough, by the time Indiana gets to the secret island, he has no hat.  Then he jumps a Nazi guard, steals his uniform, and definitely has no hat.  Where is the hat?  It’s gone!  But wait, isn’t Indiana never supposed to lose his hat?  They make a point of it in each succeeding movie.  As you know, the opening of “The Last Crusade” is dedicated as the origin story of how young Indiana Jones got the hat in the first place.  Hold up, you’re saying, isn’t Indiana Jones wearing his hat at the end of Raiders?  Surely he must have retrieved it from that boat with all the Jamaican dudes, right?  Actually, if you look closely, that is a different hat, his gray fedora; the hat he uses to wear when he travels.

Holy shit.  There is very little discussion on this matter on the internet, but luckily I found one that attempts to explain what happened to his goddamned hat; his lucky iconic hat, the hat he is NEVER supposed to lose.  According to the “internets,” in the original script, it basically says, ‘when Indy boards the submarine, he “loses his hat once and for all.”‘  In the novelization of the movie, Indy even comments on the fact saying, “Finding the ark cost me my favorite hat.”  Then he laughs…!  Now obviously, after “Raiders” debuted as a smash success, iconography was created, sequels were lined up, and hat mania swept the world.  The conveniently missing hat would never be missing again, and like “Last Crusade” depicts, Indiana would never lose the hat his whole life.  According to further novelization, Indiana would have the hat repaired and reblocked countless times, as a simple felt fedora would never be able to survive the destruction and mayhem Indiana exposed it to.  So, is it a conspiracy?  Does Indiana have a closet full of replacement hats, but acts like he never lost the original to prove his hat keeping badassery?  No, there is a much more boring word for the case of Indiana’s missing hat, retcon.

You may be wondering why I’m putting up an old Cole Porter pop tune from 1928 up my website.  If you’ve seen Woody Allen’s glorious flick, “Midnight in Paris,” you know why, but if you haven’t, then a bit of explanation is needed.  In the film, a time traveling novelist played by Owen Wilson stumbles back in time somehow, ends up at a hot 20s jazz party in Paris, and finds Cole Porter himself performing the song in an intimate setting.  Not “intimate” like an orgy, though maybe one broke out later after Owen left, it’s hard to tell.  Anyway, it’s hilarious, but more importantly, the song is simply one of the best ever.  This version from Ella Fitzgerald is my favorite, which says something because this song was performed by everyone from Frank Sinatra and Louie Armstrong to Diana Ross and Joan Jett.  I’ve taken it upon myself to learn this song on guitar this past week, and its damn hard because of all the jazz chords that require real finger gymnastics.  However, with some real determination, and some real creative chord interpretation, I managed to plunk it down pretty well after a few days.  Here is the link I used to learn, and if you want to play along with Ella, put a capo on the 3rd fret.  Trust me, you’ll like this one guitar players….and uh…lovers of music.

One of the most bizarre things to ever happen on Beverly Hills 90210 was when precocious and immature Scott Scanlon suddenly got really interested in guns and country music.  His last words were, “Check this out!”  What the entire nation ended up “checking out” was Scott’s accidental suicide caused by his poor gun twirling techniques.  It was at this heartbreaking moment in pop culture history where America learned for the first time that mixing guns and country music could cause accidental deaths in even our richest postal zones.  The sheer magnitude of this tragedy was of such a high volume, that America has been denial of its very existence for almost twenty years.  Fortunately, George Gross, the brilliant young filmmaker, never forgot and immortalized Scott’s death for us in an artfully twisted video montage set to Wu-Tang Clan’s “C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me.)”  God bless Mr. Gross for refusing to look away from the grisly terror, and present us with reality at its most naked and cold.  With that, I ask you to brace yourselves, and enjoy George Gross’s “Beverly Hills Monster Mash.”

Beverly Hills Monster Mash from George Gross on Vimeo.

“The Amazing Spider-Man” is Sony and Marvel’s reboot of the billion dollar Spider-Man movie franchise…That’s right, a REBOOT of a film that only came out less than ten years ago.  Well, the trailer leaked a few days ago, causing quite a firestorm on the internet.  Everybody has their opinions, but not everybody has a website with their name in the URL.  I do, so I’m uniquely qualified to give you some professional opinions on what I like and don’t like about this film.  So, check out the trailer, and comb over my carefully color coordinated bullet points, and see if you agree with all my important opinions.

• The film is directed by “500 Days of Summer” guy Marc Webb.  I liked that movie, and Webb seems like a good name for a guy directing a Spider-Man movie.  GOOD
• Andrew Garfield from “The Social Network” is Peter Parker/Spider-Man.  He’s certainly skinny enough, but based on this trailer, he looks too sad to be either Peter or Spider-Man.  TBD
• This is a Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) movie, not a Mary Jane movie…the difference here depends on if you prefer blondes or redheads. REDHEADS
• Everyone is comparing the Spider-Man point of view scene to the Mirror’s Edge video game because it’s completely ripped off of that.  BAD
• President Bartlett (Martin Sheen) plays Uncle Ben, and Forest Gump’s mom Sally Field plays Aunt May.  Fantastic casting.  GOOD
• Just like the first one, the costume is impossibly knitted by a 17 year old boy, but this time, he messed up the dye job.  TYE DYE
• Spider-Man builds his web shooters like the comic book.  Does he also make the web fluid?  Or is it still in his hands?  WEBS
• Peter Parker is more of an emo loner in this one, and less of a geeky nerd…BAD
• The depressed British guy from “Greenberg,” Rhys Ifans, plays Doc Conners/The Lizard.  GREEN
• It’s dumb that they did a reboot because the origin story in Sam Raimi’s first film was 99% true to the comic.  Its gonna force them to make radical changes just to be new.  BAD
• Lastly, I’ve been outside that building Peter walks by at the :50 second mark.  BEEN THERE

Yesterday was July 4th, and the movie channel AMC celebrated by having a Rocky marathon. I’m a sucker for the Rocky movies. The original Rocky (1976) is clearly a masterpiece. It was subtle, bleak, realistic, hopeful, and filled with great original characters. Rocky II continues the tone of the first, but is more serialized and a little bit redundant. Rocky III and onwards are full blown cartoons of 80s excess. The worst movie of the bunch, Rocky V, is an absolute train wreck of a movie. In 2010, Stallone admitted he made the movie out of greed.  In an attempt to make Rocky more of the everyman he originally was, they radically change his life. First off, Rocky loses all of his money on account of Paulie (Burt Young) making some bad investments. This forces Rocky to move back to the Philly inner city with his family and start over. If I remember correctly, even Adrian (Talia Shire) goes back to work for the pet store she worked at in Rocky I. Insane. All Rocky would have to do, considering he established himself as the greatest American boxer ever, is make a few endorsements and he’d back on his feet financially. Anyway, Rocky begins training some stupid young boxer, his kid Rocky Jr. (Stallone’s real life son Sage) begins to resent him, and it ends with Rocky kickboxing Tommy Gunn (Tommy Morrison) all over the streets of Philly. It’s incredibly bad. However, the one thing that always got to me about Rocky V were the end credits. It’s a montage of all the Rocky films up to that point, with Elton John’s “Measure of a Man” playing in the background. The song, in proud Rocky tradition, is sappy, sentimental, cheesy, and overblown. Still, like the Rocky movies, its kind of touching and very memorable. I had no idea that this was Sir Elton until this morning when I looked it up. I also didn’t know this song was nominated for a Golden Raspberry for worse song in a movie…it lost…Hah! Well, to me, this is proof that the song isn’t that bad, so I’m sticking on my website despite the haters.  Enjoy.

PS: Youtube won’t let me embed the version with credits on my website, but I do have a link to it if you want to see the famous Rocky montage, just click these words.

For part 77 of my countdown, I got Jeff Bridges performing “The Man in Me” at a Lebowski Fest in Los Angeles.  The song of course was featured beautifully in the Coen Brothers ultra cult classic, “The Big Lebowski,” when the Dude is riding that magic rug.  Dylan wrote this song for his 1970 LP New Morning.  It’s a gorgeous folk rock ballad about love from a man’s perspective, featuring an aching lead vocal and beautiful background vocals.  I think it’s one of Bob’s more touching melodies, and I’m glad its popularity is enhanced by its inclusion in the film.  Jeff Bridges does a really good job crooning this, and it speaks highly to his character to attend a Lebowski Fest and give his fans something so personal and fun.  So, check this video out, and share it with your friends, its really great.